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Episode 18: “Prig N. Pfeffer and The Corporate Rules

Alice with flying cards

Alex had no sooner finished his short speech of appreciation

(and thoughts of doom)

when Brad responded by giving Alex the finger.

Lola bent far over the table until her low cut

bra exposed more than her cleavage.

Henry puffed out his chest as proud

as a peacock. He was the only one

who did not hear the hint

of sarcasm in Alex’s

speech.

 

Pfeffer reached down to the table and picked up several sheets of paper.

She

(it, whatever)

handed one sheet

to each of the people in the room.

 

“These are the rules that you will abide by”

she stated officiously. “Alex, you will live

by the rules. Mentors, you will assist

him in meeting his goals.”


(The list of rules printed on the paper read was as follows)

Never apologize

Strive for arrogance

Hold progress meetings daily

The customer is always wrong

Bill early, service late (very late)

File reports of weekly meetings daily

Screw your vendors whenever possible

Pay your bills late (unless penalties accrue)

If any of the above cause problems – – – then lie about it

(If the lies cause you to be sued, then by all means, continue the lies)

All new ideas must be approved by five levels of management

(plus legal)

Ensure every product is priced as high as the market will bear

Delay solving customer problems until he stops asking for resolution

Install used or defective parts in the customers machines when possible

 

Everything is fungible (this includes employees, customers, mothers, God and even fungus)


Alex, after reading the rules and considering Pfeffer’s poor choice

of mentors decided on a unique approach.

“What area of the business did you have

in mind for me Pfeffer?” he asked.

 

“You know damn well it will be forging”

said Pfeffer quite tersely. ‘I know you

have already served your

apprenticeship.”

 

She quickly added “With your success

in the auto industry by filling in with

a little babbitt I can not place you

anywhere else.”

 

Alex quickly played his next card by asking

“Well then, may I select my own mentors

from the forging works?”

Alex copyright