Episode 18: “Prig N. Pfeffer and The Corporate Rules“
Alex had no sooner finished his short speech of appreciation
(and thoughts of doom)
when Brad responded by giving Alex the finger.
Lola bent far over the table until her low cut
bra exposed more than her cleavage.
Henry puffed out his chest as proud
as a peacock. He was the only one
who did not hear the hint
of sarcasm in Alex’s
Pfeffer reached down to the table and picked up several sheets of paper.
handed one sheet
to each of the people in the room.
“These are the rules that you will abide by”
she stated officiously. “Alex, you will live
by the rules. Mentors, you will assist
him in meeting his goals.”
(The list of rules printed on the paper read was as follows)
Strive for arrogance
Hold progress meetings daily
The customer is always wrong
Bill early, service late (very late)
File reports of weekly meetings daily
Screw your vendors whenever possible
Pay your bills late (unless penalties accrue)
If any of the above cause problems – - – then lie about it
(If the lies cause you to be sued, then by all means, continue the lies)
All new ideas must be approved by five levels of management
Ensure every product is priced as high as the market will bear
Delay solving customer problems until he stops asking for resolution
Install used or defective parts in the customers machines when possible
Everything is fungible (this includes employees, customers, mothers, God and even fungus)
Alex, after reading the rules and considering Pfeffer’s poor choice
of mentors decided on a unique approach.
“What area of the business did you have
in mind for me Pfeffer?” he asked.
“You know damn well it will be forging”
said Pfeffer quite tersely. ‘I know you
have already served your
She quickly added “With your success
in the auto industry by filling in with
a little babbitt I can not place you
Alex quickly played his next card by asking
“Well then, may I select my own mentors
from the forging works?”