Well folks, here it comes.
The ticker tape.
And already we have lawyer speak “The company will not, however, be responsible for blah blah blah blah.”
And for the less serious minded or easily titillated we have this:
Lets take a look at some of these curable ills.
Tubercula of the brain – – – this device will cure meningitis – – – hmmmm,
and infection of the liver, spleen, kidneys and all other organs – – – marvelous,
and palsy – – – uncontrollable shaking – – – which is different than St. Vitus Dance,
of which the name would mortify the identifier of the illness Thomas Sydenham (1624–1689).
Nose antrum – – – got me – – – but I think they say it cures sinus problems,
TOOTHACHE: Cheers to the electronic vibrator!
Deafness; thank you from all us old people
– – – pardon – – – did you say something?
However, it did not do what I would expect a vibrating electronic magnetic machine to be capable of; especially since it was named “Smith’s Celebrated Torpedo.”
Oh my God! Really?
and there lays the rub – – – or not.
And so I made a pilgrimage to 128 Fulton Street, second floor just to see this miracle “where it may be seen IN OPERATION at all times of the day and evening.”
Some time in the future some guy named Craig is going to make a list; and he will be in trouble for a lot milder advertising than that.