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Never stay up on the barren heights of cleverness, but come down into the green valleys of silliness.

Ludwig Wittgenstein

 Waldo Box

FORWARD

This blog has always been reserved for real people who have been forgotten by the world. However, in this case it is a real person who is fictional.

You figure it out.

(And while we are speaking of “Forwards” how come there is never a “Backwards” in a book? Or why do we have “Prologues” and “Epilogues” but never a “Centerlogue” or an “Epicenter?” One last thing – – – why do they have an “Acknowledgments” section followed by the “Introduction?” I would certainly think that if they really wanted to acknowledge someone they would introduce them to the reader so that the reader would really know who they are. And how about those “Dedicated To:” pages. “Dedicated to ‘Jim’ or ‘Sandy’. Who the hell is ‘Jim’ or ‘Sandy’? Maybe they should put them in the “Introduction” section also. Please name names. There is nothing quite so disappointing as not really knowing who is between the covers of a book.)

With that being said (another phrase I despise) I name names in the following.

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Once upon a time there was a young lad by the name of Juan Jain.

Juan Jain had established his life’s goal when he was a young boy.

Juan’s goal was to be a cowboy movie star; and if not that then at least a war movie star.

But, alas, life is not always as we have imagined.

As a young lad Juan stood before a full length mirror practicing his art. He would repeat his lines over and over until he had them perfected. His mother often heard Juan’s voice coming from the bathroom rehearsing lines such as:

“Life’s hard. It’s even harder when you’re stupid.”

“OK Pilgrim, we better saddle up and get a’movin’.”

“We’re burnin’ daylight.”

“I don’t feel we did wrong in taking this great country away from them. There were great numbers of people who needed new land, and the Indians were selfishly trying to keep it for themselves.”

“If you’ve got them by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow.”

And with that last line Juan Jain’s mother would always enter the bathroom and spank the daylights out of the little cowpoke.

Juan’s hopes were dashed early in his career but that did not stop him.

Juan Jain became a well-known super hero in the Comic book magazine series “Captains of Nihilism.” This occurred after he failed a casting-couch interview in a dimly lit Hollywood studio office.

Where did such a man come from – – – and what was his background?

Juan Jain was born in North Norwich, New York. His mother and father’s bloodlines were of Andalusi and Punjabi blood; respectively and respectfully. His first name was taken from his grandfather on his mother’s side. His surname was, of course, taken from his father’s beliefs. Jainism was all the rage in North Norwich at that time.

Juan Jain’s father was an early Punjabi film actor. He appeared in “Pind Di Kuri (Sheila)”, in 1935. Juan Jain’s mother, likewise, was an actress; but rather a stage actress whose performance in Federico García Lorca’s “La casa de Bernarda Alba” was hysterical historical.

Juan Jain’s life work is defined by the comic book series shown below. Release dates and titles are shown at the top of each entry. All reviews contain a forward, a synopsis and a rating.

Rather than bore you with all of the comic books he was featured in I will list only several in each of the follow-on posts; which should not continue much past the Ides of March.

(By only several I mean that I will list as many as I want to; and not necessarily how many the reader may wish. HEY! It’s my blog and I can do whatever I wish. So go put THAT in your pipe and smoke it.)

I now move on to the story of Juan Jain’s body of work starting with his first two comic book series.

 

1945 Back to Bataanback to bataanThe title of this comic book series was intended to be “Back to Batman.” However, due to a shortage of decent typesetters it ended up with the above title.

 

Synopsis: Batman does not believe in karma and therefore finds himself lost in the bowels of Grand Central Station, NY. He meets Princess Gretel there and a battle ensues between Batman, Robin, and Hansel Soho’s evil henchmen.

Rated: POW!

1945 DakotaDakota      

Again we are forced to admit a title error. This was supposed to be “Xakota.” You can expect these typesetting errors to continue until the reviews of 1946. At that point trained typesetters are discharged from military service (post WWII) and things get better; you’ll see.

 

Synopsis: The entire Dakota and Lakota Native American tribes find themselves at a bash in Hyannis Port, Massachusetts. They get into Joe Kennedy’s bootleg liquids and everyone gets “X’d.” Footnote: This comic book series was done in full color with glossy cover; all issues are collectable.

Rated: Politically Incorrect

 

That’s it for today’s post. Tune in tomorrow for more exciting passages from the autocomicgraphery of “JUAN JAIN.”

[One last note to explain the unexplainable]

The following summary will be shown at the beginning of each follow-on posts:

In our previous episodes we left Juan Jain, born in North Norwich, NY, as the lead character in the comic book series “Captains of Nihilism.”

If you came into the theater late please turn off your cell phone, tablet, pacemaker or whatever you may be using for entertainment. THANK YOU. You can choose to go to the very beginning of the movies by clicking     “HERE”  {Don’t click now, you are already there or here or somewhere}

 

Don’t forget to come back tomorrow so we may continue with the serious work of defining our superhero’s work and ‘Captains of whatever the hell I said above.’

 Author

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