7 UG (Unter Grund)
Bartle Library, Binghamton University, New York
The old man did not appear satisfied with my pleading. In desperation I continued;
“Yes, I am proud of the fact that I experienced the character of a human quite differently from perhaps – – – everybody else. Whatever I heard or read I enjoyed. It is the happiness of my afternoons of the distant past. My eyes gaze upon a wide, white, sea, across rocks at the shore that are bathed in sunlight, while large and small animals are playing in this light, as secure and calm as the dead.
Such happiness could be invented only by one who was suffering continually. It is the happiness of my eyes that have seen the sea of life become calm, and now these eyes can never weary of the earth; and of the many hues of this tender, shuddering sea. Never before has voluptuousness been so modest in these eyes.
My death is disgustingly rich in pain, as formerly – – – my life much more severe and lonesome. I myself lived on the whole almost like a complete saint, but almost with the outlook of the complete, genuine human – – – with my soul very calm and patient and yet contemplating death with joy.
TOMORROW: 8 UG (Unter Grund)