Hi folks! I know this is not at the top of your list, however, it is in my wheelhouse, so, I thought I would run it up the flagpole to see if it waves, because nobody’s gonna’ sell me the sleeves off their vest without my looking in the gift-horse’s mouth first and with that said let me get on to the crux of the story.

I met a fellow at the Polish Club yesterday afternoon; you know, the one on Prospect Street. No, the fellow does not reside on prospect street – the Polish Club does.

Anyway he has this brilliant plan for a new business that will put the Triple Cities back on the map. I refuse to call it Greater Binghamton because, well, have you looked at Binghamton lately? It has suddenly – or possibly not so suddenly – become Lesser Binghamton. Please don’t confuse that with Lestershire, which was renamed Westover, absorbed by the Town of Union – which, by the way – is probably bigger than Greater Binghamton. Well, the Town of Union has 59 employees not counting the Muckety-Mucks. The City of Binghamton has about 750 employees and is one third the size of the Town of Union. Go figure!

But as usual, I digress. The mind goes skedaddling of to the side every once in a while.

So, this guy I met on Prospect Street. He has a great idea for teaching the kids geography. He has invented a globe that is the actual size and dimensions of the Earth. Not to worry! He lets the air out of it when it is not in use. That is his first model. He has rented a warehouse in Elmira to store the first one-hundred. (He couldn’t find a warehouse in Johnson City because they were all purchased by New York State – and friends – for the expansion of Binghamton University [which doesn’t reside in Binghamton but rather in Vestal]. These are being manufactured in an empty room in an old mall that will – or will not – be identified at a later date; although Bob Joseph probably has a lead on the story.

But to get on with this great news, each city on these blow-up globes will have the exact number of residents that reside in the actual cities on Earth. To keep the spirit of the model in sync with the actual Earth, he also has included five full-sized oceans. I thought there were only four, but he convinced me that the water around Antarctica qualified as an ocean; frozen or not. Anyway, his blow-up Earth has five oceans.

When these globes hit the marketplace they will include a warning written by lawyers (of course) that tell the parents of the children who will own them [no, the children will not own the parents, the children will own the globes] a warning to not let the kids blow these up in the house. The Himalayan Mountains will definitely ruin the plastered ceilings and possibly cause the upstairs plumbing to leak.

They are really meant as an outside toy, not your typical board games such as Parchisi. Who the heck ever named that game should be put in stockades; right next to the people who upgraded Dunk’n Donuts rewards last month (OH MY GOD! HAVE YOU TRIED USING THAT THING YET?)

Anyway, with all these models of the earth being blown up (no, not the explosion type of blown up) we shouldn’t have to worry about global warming because there will be plenty of Earth’s to move to.

Thank you for reading this. I have to leave now.

They are coming to take me away, oh-no, they’re coming to take me away.