JUAN JAIN: Post 31 – Books, Anvils and Boulders

 

“Never stay up on the barren heights of cleverness, but come down into the green valleys of silliness.”

Ludwig Wittgenstein

 

In our previous episodes we left Juan Jain, born in North Norwich, NY, as the lead character in the comic book series “Captains of Nihilism.”

If you came into the theater late please turn off your cell phone, tablet, pacemaker or whatever you may be using for entertainment. THANK YOU. You can choose to go to the very beginning of the movies by clicking  

   “HERE”

BUT DON”T FORGET TO COME BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

1979 The Shootist

 

 

   This comic book series was quickly turned into a movie.

 

Synopsis:  A man is named “Books.”  He is confused with all the books in the Carson City, Nevada public library.

Every time someone calls his name a disturbed homeless fellow grabs an armful of books and throws them at the librarian.

Books, not wanting any harm to come to the librarian, changes his name to “Anvils.”

The librarian is killed by a homeless blacksmith who hurls – – – yep – – – you guessed it.

Anvils then changes his name to “Boulder” and the whole town perishes under unusual circumstances. The newspapers attribute it to a possible avalanche.

 

Rated: Mystery (as to how this film ever got produced)

 

 

This ends the series of intellectual posts

about Juan Jain,

young thespian from

North Norwich, New York.

It would be recommended

that a series such as this

never occur again,

NEVER

EVER

NEVER!

 

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JUAN JAIN: Post 30 – Three Irishmen

 

“Never stay up on the barren heights of cleverness, but come down into the green valleys of silliness.”

Ludwig Wittgenstein

 

In our previous episodes we left Juan Jain, born in North Norwich, NY, as the lead character in the comic book series “Captains of Nihilism.”

If you came into the theater late please turn off your cell phone, tablet, pacemaker or whatever you may be using for entertainment. THANK YOU. You can choose to go to the very beginning of the movies by clicking  

   “HERE”

BUT DON”T FORGET TO COME BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

 

1974 McQ        An abbreviated comic book series Synopsis: A trouble- man seems to have forgot– how to spell his last nam-. He begin- to do some researc- into his backgrou- and finds that he can not finish a comple- senten–; let alone a paragra–. Rated: Truncated

1975 Brannigan        Written in perfect UK English Synopsis: Whilst an Yank attempts to bring a perpetrator to justice Scotland Yard forgets to water their lawn. Scotland Yard wilts and eventually turns brown. Brannigan, the Yank, states – – – for all to hear – – – “Epigrams succeed where epics fail.” The head of Scotland Yard scrutenizes Brannigan and responds “Bloody right Yank!” He immediatly pulls out his gun and shoots Brannigan in the dangling participle.   Rated: Dangling Participles. Adjectives ending in –ing (and sometimes –ed) are called participles and must be used with care. Consider the following sentence: Flitting gaily from flower to flower, the football player watched the bee. If you said the last sentence to the football player’s face just the way it’s phrased above, you could end up a bloody  pulp lying on the astroturf, because he might conclude you think he “flits gaily,” a thing most people in his profession don’t do, at least in public.

1975 Rooster Cogburn        This series of comic books was printed on down pillows. Synopsis: An old man has a rooster that keeps on chasing the hens around the chicken coop. He (the old man) becomes enthused with the rooster’s sexual drive and attempts to emulate him. The chickens don’t much care for it. Rated: XXX

 

Don’t forget to come back tomorrow so we can continue with the serious work of defining our superhero’s work and ‘Captains of whatever the hell I said above.’

 

JUAN JAIN: Post 29 – Eric, Ray, Roy and Hugh (a dastardly lot)

 

“Never stay up on the barren heights of cleverness, but come down into the green valleys of silliness.”

Ludwig Wittgenstein

 

In our previous episodes we left Juan Jain, born in North Norwich, NY, as the lead character in the comic book series “Captains of Nihilism.”

If you came into the theater late please turn off your cell phone, tablet, pacemaker or whatever you may be using for entertainment. THANK YOU. You can choose to go to the very beginning of the movies by clicking  

   “HERE”

BUT DON”T FORGET TO COME BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

 

1973 Cahill U.S. Marshal          This is the most current and serious of all the series. Synopsis: Eric Frien shoots two Pennsylvania troopers. US Marshals capture him. Rated: Little Boy playing war games (Footnote; who gives a shit how he got those injuries on his nose and face?)

1973 The Train Robbers          The Siskiyou Mountains form the background of every page in this series. Synopsis: Three brothers, Roy – – – Ray – – – and Hugh – – – attempt to rob a train, blow it all to hell, ruin a perfectly good tunnel in the process, kill a few people and end up in jail. Rated: deAutremontesque

 

 

 

Don’t forget to come back tomorrow so we can continue with the serious work of defining our superhero’s work and ‘Captains of whatever the hell I said above.’

 

JUAN JAIN: Post 28 – Wolves, Turkeys and Shoe Boxes

 

“Never stay up on the barren heights of cleverness, but come down into the green valleys of silliness.”

Ludwig Wittgenstein

 

In our previous episodes we left Juan Jain, born in North Norwich, NY, as the lead character in the comic book series “Captains of Nihilism.”

If you came into the theater late please turn off your cell phone, tablet, pacemaker or whatever you may be using for entertainment. THANK YOU. You can choose to go to the very beginning of the movies by clicking  

   “HERE”

BUT DON”T FORGET TO COME BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

 

1970 Rio Lobo   This series of comic books was plagiarized from Jorge Luis Borges. Synopsis: A wolf runs along a river. Rated:

1971 Big Jake   This series was collected by hunters. No known copies, other than those owned by NRA members, exist. Printed in camouflage colors. Synopsis; A hunter shoots a very large immature tom turkey (SPOILER ALERT!!!!) which hunters call (WAIT FOR IT – – – WAIT FOR IT) a ‘Jake’. Rated: Boom!

1972 The Cowboys Yee-haw! Finally! Synopsis: Two five-year-olds get dressed up in cowboy outfits. Their mothers take pictures of them. The pictures are placed in a shoe-box, never to be seen again. Rated: Melancholy

 

Don’t forget to come back tomorrow so we can continue with the serious work of defining our superhero’s work and ‘Captains of whatever the hell I said above.’

 

JUAN JAIN: Post 27 – The Giant’s Pope Meets Billy The Kid on the Chisum Trail while Crazy Owl sharpens his tomahawk

 

 

“Never stay up on the barren heights of cleverness, but come down into the green valleys of silliness.”

Ludwig Wittgenstein

 

In our previous episodes we left Juan Jain, born in North Norwich, NY, as the lead character in the comic book series “Captains of Nihilism.”

If you came into the theater late please turn off your cell phone, tablet, pacemaker or whatever you may be using for entertainment. THANK YOU. You can choose to go to the very beginning of the movies by clicking  

   “HERE”

BUT DON”T FORGET TO COME BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

 

1969 The Undefeated       This series of comics were sold as programs at all the entrances to the Meadowlands Sports Complex in Carlstadt, New Jersey. Synopsis: Hopes are crushed, time after time, as the Giants lose game after game. The Pope comes to the stadium and attempts to save the day; but alas and alack, nothing can help the inept Giants. They try soccer as a fill in but alas and alack it doesn’t have the enjoyment of watching men break their ankles, blow out knees and get concussions. Rated: Penalty cards instead of flags? What the hell?

1969 True Grit       This series was silk-screened in four colors on water-proof paper. Synopsis: A young Abenaki Native-American from the Adirondack Mountains of New York becomes disillusioned with attempting to keep his flint tomahawk sharp by continuing to chip a new cutting edge on it after every battle. He discovers the garnet mines on Gore Mountain. He crushes the red stones into a pumice until the cows come home. He then uses pine pitch to glue this fine red dust to a flat oak stick. And “Viola”, he has invented sand-oak-stick. It is the true grit. Rated: Raspy WHAT? WHAT? You need a picture of JUAN JAIN in every post?

1970 Chisum          The first mention of the term “GPS” in any comic book (single issue or series). Synopsis: A man driving a herd of chickens becomes lost on the trail. William Bonney, aka Billy the Kid, aka William McCarty, aka William Antrim, aka William Whose Your Daddy, arrives on the scene to save the lost chicken herder. The two men put their heads together, until the chickens come home, and invent the first GPS. It is comprised of a piece of paper with chicken scratches on it. They decide to write the words “Texas” on the bottom and “Kansas” on the top. This becomes the standard for future cartography and digital thingys. Rated: Sketchy There you go! You happy now? Jeez – – what a group.

    

Don’t forget to come back tomorrow so we can continue with the serious work of defining our superhero’s work and ‘Captains of whatever the hell I said above.’

 

JUAN JAIN: Post 26 – Αυτόματη μου είναι πράσινο

Tags

Comic Books, Superheros

 

 

“Never stay up on the barren heights of cleverness, but come down into the green valleys of silliness.”

Ludwig Wittgenstein

 

In our previous episodes we left Juan Jain, born in North Norwich, NY, as the lead character in the comic book series “Captains of Nihilism.”

If you came into the theater late please turn off your cell phone, tablet, pacemaker or whatever you may be using for entertainment. THANK YOU. You can choose to go to the very beginning of the movies by clicking  

   “HERE”

BUT DON”T FORGET TO COME BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

1966 El Dorado     The paper for this series was totally plated in chrome. Synopsis: A young lad gets his first job flipping hamburgers at “Cousin Vinnie’s.” He saves all the money he has earned there plus the money from snow shoveling jobs plus that cash he has earned from mowing Widow Scarinzi’s lawn. He has enough to purchase his first car; a 14 year old Cadillac El Dorado. He finds $130,000,000 in cash in the trunk. He stops working for a living and therefore the comic book series is terminated prematurely (along with several ‘associates’. Rated: TheSopranos-Esque

1967 The War Wagon     Very collectable series Synopsis: A gang of Greek carpenters build a really big horse. They put candy and nuts inside of it and leave it outside of Troy, NY. They ring the doorbell and run away. The Trojans think it is a wagon and pull on the rope reins until they get it inside the city. They then whack on it with big sticks until the cows come home; or at least until the candy and nuts fall off. Rated: Homeric   Why the hell did they name the people who live in Troy TROJANS?” I think it should have been TROYITES or TROYINIANS. Maybe because they wore protection?

1968 The Green Berets     The series was printed in French. Synopsis: A young fashion model hits on a great idea; making green colored berets for Irishmen visiting Paris. He consigns the first 2,347 of them to a souvenir shop on the left bank. James Joyce purchases one and they become the fad of the decade. All 2,346 remaining berets sell out in the first week. Rated: Fashonista

 

    

Don’t forget to come back tomorrow so we can continue with the serious work of defining our superhero’s work and ‘Captains of whatever the hell I said above.’

 

JUAN JAIN: Post 25 – An Everlasting Son

Tags

Comic Books, Superheros

 

 

“Never stay up on the barren heights of cleverness, but come down into the green valleys of silliness.”

Ludwig Wittgenstein

 

In our previous episodes we left Juan Jain, born in North Norwich, NY, as the lead character in the comic book series “Captains of Nihilism.”

If you came into the theater late please turn off your cell phone, tablet, pacemaker or whatever you may be using for entertainment. THANK YOU. You can choose to go to the very beginning of the movies by clicking  

   “HERE”

BUT DON”T FORGET TO COME BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

1965 The Sons of Katie Elder

     A wonderfully colorful comic book series with backgrounds shot in the Painted Desert, Arches National Park, Bryce Canyon National Park, California National Historic Trail, Canyonlands National Park, Capitol Reef National Park, Cedar Breaks National Monument, Dinosaur National Monument, Glen Canyon National Recreation Area, Golden Spike National Historic Site, Hovenweep National Monument, Mormon Pioneer National Heritage Area, Mormon Pioneer National Historic Trail, Natural Bridges National Monument, Old Spanish National Historic Trail, Pony Express National Historic Trail, Rainbow Bridge National Monument, Timpanogos Cave National Monument, Zion National Park (whew! even got them in alphabetical order – great – huh?).

Synopsis: Katie Elder’s elder son dies and then the next elder son becomes the eldest. Ironically he falls over a waterfall in one of the above national parks and dies. The third eldest son becomes the eldest son of Katie Elder. He screws up and gets fired from the comic book series. The youngest lad of Katie Elder becomes the eldest. They live happily ever after (or at least until the cows come home). Several extras were hired for this comic book series. They include Pliney the Elder, Peteir Breugel the Elder, Pitt (who quit) the Elder, Cato the Elder and the imaginary Elders of Zion (not to be confused with senior citizens who visit Mount Zion National Park).

Rated: ZZzzzzz

 

1966   Cast a Giant Shadow

     What a wonderful idea; a comic book completely made of concrete.

Synopsis: “Stub” Newell casts a “giant” in Cardiff, NY. He buries it and then hires a well digger to dig in the same spot. The entire population of the United States goes crazy. The authorities investigate and all hell breaks loose when they discover that Stub has perpetrated a hoax.

Rated: A solid story

Don’t forget to come back tomorrow so we can continue with the serious work of defining our superhero’s work and ‘Captains of whatever the hell I said above.’

 

JUAN JAIN: Post 24 – What Would Julius Have Said?

Tags

Comic Books, Superheros

 

 

“Never stay up on the barren heights of cleverness, but come down into the green valleys of silliness.”

Ludwig Wittgenstein

 

In our previous episodes we left Juan Jain, born in North Norwich, NY, as the lead character in the comic book series “Captains of Nihilism.”

If you came into the theater late please turn off your cell phone, tablet, pacemaker or whatever you may be using for entertainment. THANK YOU. You can choose to go to the very beginning of the movies by clicking  

   “HERE”

BUT DON”T FORGET TO COME BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

1965 In Harm’s Way      This series of colorful comic books is written in a cross of Olde English and Neu Deutsche. Synopsis: A Roman Centurion named Seneca Harmenus, has a friend whose job is to survey the path for the planned Appian Way. Harmenus the Centurion bribes his friend to tell him where an “Entry/Exit” ramp is to be constructed. He purchases 600 hectacres around this site. The Appian Way is constructed and pretty green and white signs are installed. These signs state “Entry/Exit – Harm’s Way – 1 Mile.” A beleaguered Jewish trader becomes confused as he was expecting to see “כניסה / יציאה – הדרך של פגיעה – 1 מייל.” He continues round and round and round and spends the next two decades in Harms Way. Rated: Oi Vay

1965 The Greatest Story Ever Told      I don’t dare say anything about this other than Juan Jain played a Centurion. Synopsis: Don’t confuse this with “In Harm’s Way” Rated: Ά/Ω

 

Don’t forget to come back tomorrow so we can continue with the serious work of defining our superhero’s work and ‘Captains of whatever the hell I said above.’

 

JUAN JAIN: Post 23 – McLintock; Circus Master

Tags

Comic Books, Superheros

 

 

“Never stay up on the barren heights of cleverness, but come down into the green valleys of silliness.”

Ludwig Wittgenstein

 

In our previous episodes we left Juan Jain, born in North Norwich, NY, as the lead character in the comic book series “Captains of Nihilism.”

If you came into the theater late please turn off your cell phone, tablet, pacemaker or whatever you may be using for entertainment. THANK YOU. You can choose to go to the very beginning of the movies by clicking  

   “HERE”

BUT DON”T FORGET TO COME BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

 

 

1963 McLintock!      A comic book series that turns out to be a big hit with Spock. Synopsis: Our superhero “Captain McLintock” accidentally shots his flintlock while he is cleaning it (didn’t know it was cocked). The bullet hits his Cookoo Clock. His beautiful cook calls him a schlock. He responds “What a crock!” She wipes her hands on her smock . Hop-Sing teaches her how to cook in a wok. Rated: Ad-hoc

1964 Circus World      A comic book series about Circus-Circus in Las Vegas, NV (I hope NV is Nevada and not Napa Valley or I have screwed up the geography really really really really bad). Synopsis: A cowboy finds himself in the smorgasbord line with his tray in hand. He has loaded his tray with bagels, locks, lox, teiglach, and a splat or two of carrot tzimmes. He is quite satisfied with his choices and is about to leave the slop smorgasbord line. All of a sudden he sees a nice slab of prime rib – – – and he recognizes it as his pet black angus cow. He wails and wails “Angus – – – they’ve killed Angus.” over and over again; or until the cows come home – – – so to speak. Rated: MOO Cripes almighty, I hope this guy finishes this series pretty soon or at least before the cows come home.

 

Don’t forget to come back tomorrow so we can continue with the serious work of defining our superhero’s work and ‘Captains of whatever the hell I said above.’

 

JUAN JAIN: Post 22 – Smoking Reefers in Liberty, NY

Tags

Comic Books, Superheros

 

 

“Never stay up on the barren heights of cleverness, but come down into the green valleys of silliness.”

Ludwig Wittgenstein

 

In our previous episodes we left Juan Jain, born in North Norwich, NY, as the lead character in the comic book series “Captains of Nihilism.”

If you came into the theater late please turn off your cell phone, tablet, pacemaker or whatever you may be using for entertainment. THANK YOU. You can choose to go to the very beginning of the movies by clicking  

   “HERE”

BUT DON”T FORGET TO COME BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

1962 The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance

 

A comic book series that interior decorators hold dear to their hearts.

 

Synopsis: There is a man who is an interior decorator. He takes a shot at a special decorating job. It is in Liberty, NY. Grossinger’s Catskill Resort Hotel has hired him to have a new stage curtain made for their entertainment room. The decorator screws up the valance that tops off the curtain. It totally ruins Patrick Swayze’s big dance scene. Patrick holds the decorators arms behind his back while Jennifer Grey pummels the crap out of him. Jerry Orbach steps in to stop the carnage. Dick Wolf happens to be sitting in the audience and offers Jerry a great part as detective Lennie Briscoe on the long-running crime drama series Law & Order.

 

Rated: “DOINK-DOINK”

 

 

 

1963 Donovan’s Reef

 
This comic book series was written in French Polynesian.

 
Synopsis: To damn convoluted to even write one word about it.

 
Rated: Haleakaloha

 

 

Don’t forget to come back tomorrow so we can continue with the serious work of defining our superhero’s work and ‘Captains of whatever the hell I said above.’