JUAN JAIN: Post 29 – Eric, Ray, Roy and Hugh (a dastardly lot)

 

Waldo Box

Never stay up on the barren heights of cleverness, but come down into the green valleys of silliness.

Ludwig Wittgenstein

 

In our previous episodes we left Juan Jain, born in North Norwich, NY, as the lead character in the comic book series “Captains of Nihilism.”

If you came into the theater late please turn off your cell phone, tablet, pacemaker or whatever you may be using for entertainment. THANK YOU. You can choose to go to the very beginning of the movies by clicking  

   “HERE”

BUT DON”T FORGET TO COME BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

 

1973 Cahill U.S. Marshal

 

Eric Frein

 

     This is the most current and serious of all the series.

Synopsis: Eric Frien shoots two Pennsylvania troopers. US Marshals capture him.

Rated: Little Boy playing war games

(Footnote; who gives a shit how he got those injuries on his nose and face?)

1973 The Train Robbers

 

d autremont brothers 2

 

     The Siskiyou Mountains form the background of every page in this series.

Synopsis: Three brothers, Roy – – – Ray – – – and Hugh – – – attempt to rob a train, blow it all to hell, ruin a perfectly good tunnel in the process, kill a few people and end up in jail.

Rated: deAutremontesque

 

 

 

 

Don’t forget to come back tomorrow so we can continue with the serious work of defining our superhero’s work and ‘Captains of whatever the hell I said above.’

 

Author

JUAN JAIN: Post 28 – Wolves, Turkeys and Shoe Boxes

 

Waldo Box

Never stay up on the barren heights of cleverness, but come down into the green valleys of silliness.

Ludwig Wittgenstein

 

In our previous episodes we left Juan Jain, born in North Norwich, NY, as the lead character in the comic book series “Captains of Nihilism.”

If you came into the theater late please turn off your cell phone, tablet, pacemaker or whatever you may be using for entertainment. THANK YOU. You can choose to go to the very beginning of the movies by clicking  

   “HERE”

BUT DON”T FORGET TO COME BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

 

1970 Rio Lobo

 

This series of comic books was plagiarized from Jorge Luis Borges.

Synopsis: A wolf runs along a river.

Rated:

 

1971 Big Jake

 
Big Jake

This series was collected by hunters. No known copies, other than those owned by NRA members, exist. Printed in camouflage colors.

Synopsis; A hunter shoots a very large immature tom turkey

(SPOILER ALERT!!!!)

which hunters call

(WAIT FOR IT – – – WAIT FOR IT)

a ‘Jake’.

Rated: Boom!

1972 The Cowboys

Truck and bull and chicken

Yee-haw! Finally!

Synopsis: Two five-year-olds get dressed up in cowboy outfits. Their mothers take pictures of them. The pictures are placed in a shoe-box, never to be seen again.

Rated: Melancholy

 

Don’t forget to come back tomorrow so we can continue with the serious work of defining our superhero’s work and ‘Captains of whatever the hell I said above.’

 

Author

FIGURATIVELY SPEAKING

Originally posted on This, that, - - - and the other thing:

Figure of Speach

 

I once read a simile,

that made me smile,

and an alliteration,

as long as a mile,

something about,

Peter Piper Picking,

but the lineation,

surely not clicking.

 

Also metaphors,

like flags a’flying,

raining cats and dogs,

aping clouds a’crying,

apostrophe giving life,

imagery clean and concise,

weaving words together,

ending in a clean splice.

 

We oft’ use ambiguity,

to fog men’s minds,

allowing the reader,

images of all kinds,

and create personification,

the epitome of distillation,

for inorganic representation,

creating images of exemplification.

 

Oh – – – excuse me,

did I lose the meter?

I am now exposed,

as a poetic cheater,

I never promised you,

to maintain fidelity,

my mind flew away,

in apt sylly-bylity.

Copywrong Wally Tomosky

Copywrong Wally Tomosky

 

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JUAN JAIN: Post 27 – The Giant’s Pope Meets Billy The Kid on the Chisum Trail while Crazy Owl sharpens his tomahawk

 

 

Waldo Box

Never stay up on the barren heights of cleverness, but come down into the green valleys of silliness.

Ludwig Wittgenstein

 

In our previous episodes we left Juan Jain, born in North Norwich, NY, as the lead character in the comic book series “Captains of Nihilism.”

If you came into the theater late please turn off your cell phone, tablet, pacemaker or whatever you may be using for entertainment. THANK YOU. You can choose to go to the very beginning of the movies by clicking  

   “HERE”

BUT DON”T FORGET TO COME BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

 

1969 The UndefeatedUndefeated    

 

This series of comics were sold as programs at all the entrances to the Meadowlands Sports Complex in Carlstadt, New Jersey.

Synopsis: Hopes are crushed, time after time, as the Giants lose game after game. The Pope comes to the stadium and attempts to save the day; but alas and alack, nothing can help the inept Giants. They try soccer as a fill in but alas and alack it doesn’t have the enjoyment of watching men break their ankles, blow out knees and get concussions.

Rated: Penalty cards instead of flags? What the hell?

1969 True Grit    

 

This series was silk-screened in four colors on water-proof paper.

Synopsis: A young Abenaki Native-American from the Adirondack Mountains of New York becomes disillusioned with attempting to keep his flint tomahawk sharp by continuing to chip a new cutting edge on it after every battle. He discovers the garnet mines on Gore Mountain. He crushes the red stones into a pumice until the cows come home. He then uses pine pitch to glue this fine red dust to a flat oak stick. And “Viola”, he has invented sand-oak-stick. It is the true grit.

Rated: Raspy

WHAT?

WHAT?

You need a picture

of JUAN JAIN

in every post?

1970 Chisum
Chisum 2      

 

The first mention of the term “GPS” in any comic book (single issue or series).

Synopsis: A man driving a herd of chickens becomes lost on the trail. William Bonney, aka Billy the Kid, aka William McCarty, aka William Antrim, aka William Whose Your Daddy, arrives on the scene to save the lost chicken herder. The two men put their heads together, until the chickens come home, and invent the first GPS. It is comprised of a piece of paper with chicken scratches on it. They decide to write the words “Texas” on the bottom and “Kansas” on the top. This becomes the standard for future cartography and digital thingys.

Rated: Sketchy

There you go!

You happy now?

Jeez – – what a group.

    

Don’t forget to come back tomorrow so we can continue with the serious work of defining our superhero’s work and ‘Captains of whatever the hell I said above.’

 

Author

JUAN JAIN: Post 26 – Αυτόματη μου είναι πράσινο

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,

 

 

Waldo Box

Never stay up on the barren heights of cleverness, but come down into the green valleys of silliness.

Ludwig Wittgenstein

 

In our previous episodes we left Juan Jain, born in North Norwich, NY, as the lead character in the comic book series “Captains of Nihilism.”

If you came into the theater late please turn off your cell phone, tablet, pacemaker or whatever you may be using for entertainment. THANK YOU. You can choose to go to the very beginning of the movies by clicking  

   “HERE”

BUT DON”T FORGET TO COME BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

1966 El DoradoEl Dorado     The paper for this series was totally plated in chrome.

Synopsis: A young lad gets his first job flipping hamburgers at “Cousin Vinnie’s.” He saves all the money he has earned there plus the money from snow shoveling jobs plus that cash he has earned from mowing Widow Scarinzi’s lawn. He has enough to purchase his first car; a 14 year old Cadillac El Dorado. He finds $130,000,000 in cash in the trunk. He stops working for a living and therefore the comic book series is terminated prematurely (along with several ‘associates’.

Rated: TheSopranos-Esque

1967 The War Wagonwar wagon     Very collectable series

Synopsis: A gang of Greek carpenters build a really big horse. They put candy and nuts inside of it and leave it outside of Troy, NY. They ring the doorbell and run away. The Trojans think it is a wagon and pull on the rope reins until they get it inside the city. They then whack on it with big sticks until the cows come home; or at least until the candy and nuts fall off.

Rated: Homeric

 

Why the hell did they name the people

who live in Troy TROJANS?”

I think it should have been TROYITES

or TROYINIANS.

Maybe because they wore

protection?

1968 The Green Beretsgreen beret     The series was printed in French.

Synopsis: A young fashion model hits on a great idea; making green colored berets for Irishmen visiting Paris. He consigns the first 2,347 of them to a souvenir shop on the left bank. James Joyce purchases one and they become the fad of the decade. All 2,346 remaining berets sell out in the first week.

Rated: Fashonista

 

    

Don’t forget to come back tomorrow so we can continue with the serious work of defining our superhero’s work and ‘Captains of whatever the hell I said above.’

 

Author

A VIRGO AND A PISCES

Originally posted on The Short Stories of Waldo:

The Dynamic Duo

Lucas and Toole

VirgoAug 22-Sep 23 Modest and shy

Meticulous and reliable

Practical and diligent

Intelligent and analytical

 

Fussy and a worrier

Overcritical and harsh

Perfectionist and conservative

HENRY LEE LUCAS

Lucas Alone

Lucas said he attacked his mother only in self-defense. He was sentenced to between 20 and 40 years’ imprisonment for second-degree murder. He was released in June 1970 due to prison overcrowding.

PiscesFeb 20-Mar 20 Imaginative and sensitive

Compassionate and kind

Selfless and unworldly

Intuitive and sympathetic

 

Escapist and idealistic

Secretive and vague

Weak-willed and easily led

OTTIS TOOLE

Toole Alone

Toole barricaded 64-year-old George Sonnenberg in a boarding in Jacksonville. Toole set the house on fire. Sonnenberg died a week later.

In 1976, Toole met Henry Lee Lucas at a Jacksonville soup kitchen, and they soon developed a sexual relationship. Toole later claimed to have accompanied Lucas in 108 murders, sometimes at the behest…

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JUAN JAIN: Post 25 – An Everlasting Son

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Waldo Box

Never stay up on the barren heights of cleverness, but come down into the green valleys of silliness.

Ludwig Wittgenstein

 

In our previous episodes we left Juan Jain, born in North Norwich, NY, as the lead character in the comic book series “Captains of Nihilism.”

If you came into the theater late please turn off your cell phone, tablet, pacemaker or whatever you may be using for entertainment. THANK YOU. You can choose to go to the very beginning of the movies by clicking  

   “HERE”

BUT DON”T FORGET TO COME BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

1965 The Sons of Katie Elder

The sons of Katie Elder

     A wonderfully colorful comic book series with backgrounds shot in the Painted Desert, Arches National Park, Bryce Canyon National Park, California National Historic Trail, Canyonlands National Park, Capitol Reef National Park, Cedar Breaks National Monument, Dinosaur National Monument, Glen Canyon National Recreation Area, Golden Spike National Historic Site, Hovenweep National Monument, Mormon Pioneer National Heritage Area, Mormon Pioneer National Historic Trail, Natural Bridges National Monument, Old Spanish National Historic Trail, Pony Express National Historic Trail, Rainbow Bridge National Monument, Timpanogos Cave National Monument, Zion National Park (whew! even got them in alphabetical order – great – huh?).

Synopsis: Katie Elder’s elder son dies and then the next elder son becomes the eldest. Ironically he falls over a waterfall in one of the above national parks and dies. The third eldest son becomes the eldest son of Katie Elder. He screws up and gets fired from the comic book series. The youngest lad of Katie Elder becomes the eldest. They live happily ever after (or at least until the cows come home). Several extras were hired for this comic book series. They include Pliney the Elder, Peteir Breugel the Elder, Pitt (who quit) the Elder, Cato the Elder and the imaginary Elders of Zion (not to be confused with senior citizens who visit Mount Zion National Park).

Rated: ZZzzzzz

 

1966   Cast a Giant Shadow

Caast a giant shadow

     What a wonderful idea; a comic book completely made of concrete.

Synopsis: “Stub” Newell casts a “giant” in Cardiff, NY. He buries it and then hires a well digger to dig in the same spot. The entire population of the United States goes crazy. The authorities investigate and all hell breaks loose when they discover that Stub has perpetrated a hoax.

Rated: A solid story

Don’t forget to come back tomorrow so we can continue with the serious work of defining our superhero’s work and ‘Captains of whatever the hell I said above.’

 

Author

JUAN JAIN: Post 24 – What Would Julius Have Said?

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Waldo Box

Never stay up on the barren heights of cleverness, but come down into the green valleys of silliness.

Ludwig Wittgenstein

 

In our previous episodes we left Juan Jain, born in North Norwich, NY, as the lead character in the comic book series “Captains of Nihilism.”

If you came into the theater late please turn off your cell phone, tablet, pacemaker or whatever you may be using for entertainment. THANK YOU. You can choose to go to the very beginning of the movies by clicking  

   “HERE”

BUT DON”T FORGET TO COME BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

1965 In Harm’s WayHarms Way

     This series of colorful comic books is written in a cross of Olde English and Neu Deutsche.

Synopsis: A Roman Centurion named Seneca Harmenus, has a friend whose job is to survey the path for the planned Appian Way. Harmenus the Centurion bribes his friend to tell him where an “Entry/Exit” ramp is to be constructed. He purchases 600 hectacres around this site. The Appian Way is constructed and pretty green and white signs are installed. These signs state “Entry/Exit – Harm’s Way – 1 Mile.” A beleaguered Jewish trader becomes confused as he was expecting to see “כניסה / יציאה – הדרך של פגיעה – 1 מייל.” He continues round and round and round and spends the next two decades in Harms Way.

Rated: Oi Vay

 

    

1965 The Greatest Story Ever ToldGreatest Story Ever Told

     I don’t dare say anything about this other than Juan Jain played a Centurion.

Synopsis: Don’t confuse this with “In Harm’s Way”

Rated: Ά/Ω

 

Don’t forget to come back tomorrow so we can continue with the serious work of defining our superhero’s work and ‘Captains of whatever the hell I said above.’

 

Author

THE LEO

Originally posted on The Short Stories of Waldo:

So you claim to be a Leo?

Yes, and I am damn proud of it too.

Do you know what they say

the traits of a Leo are?

No, not really.

Generous and warmhearted,

Creative and enthusiastic,

Broad-minded and expansive,

Faithful and loving.

Yep.

That’s me.

All the above.

Thanks for noticing.

I have to admit that

you are very generous.

How can you say that?

I have never given you anything.

Observation.

I know you would give anyone

the shirt off your back

if you thought that they

needed it worse than you.

Well – – – thank you.

That makes me feel good.

And you are very creative also.

I try to be but it never

comes out the way I want.

Do you show your work

to anyone and ask

for an honest critique?

No!

Why not?

I have tried it several times.

And?

And the people…

View original 537 more words

JUAN JAIN: Post 23 – McLintock; Circus Master

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Waldo Box

Never stay up on the barren heights of cleverness, but come down into the green valleys of silliness.

Ludwig Wittgenstein

 

In our previous episodes we left Juan Jain, born in North Norwich, NY, as the lead character in the comic book series “Captains of Nihilism.”

If you came into the theater late please turn off your cell phone, tablet, pacemaker or whatever you may be using for entertainment. THANK YOU. You can choose to go to the very beginning of the movies by clicking  

   “HERE”

BUT DON”T FORGET TO COME BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

 

 

1963 McLintock!McLintock

     A comic book series that turns out to be a big hit with Spock.

Synopsis: Our superhero “Captain McLintock” accidentally shots his flintlock while he is cleaning it (didn’t know it was cocked). The bullet hits his Cookoo Clock. His beautiful cook calls him a schlock. He responds “What a crock!” She wipes her hands on her smock . Hop-Sing teaches her how to cook in a wok.

Rated: Ad-hoc

1964 Circus WorldCircus World

     A comic book series about Circus-Circus in Las Vegas, NV (I hope NV is Nevada and not Napa Valley or I have screwed up the geography really really really really bad).

Synopsis: A cowboy finds himself in the smorgasbord line with his tray in hand. He has loaded his tray with bagels, locks, lox, teiglach, and a splat or two of carrot tzimmes. He is quite satisfied with his choices and is about to leave the slop smorgasbord line. All of a sudden he sees a nice slab of prime rib – – – and he recognizes it as his pet black angus cow. He wails and wails “Angus – – – they’ve killed Angus.” over and over again; or until the cows come home – – – so to speak.

Rated: MOO

Cripes almighty,

I hope this guy finishes

this series pretty soon

or at least before

the cows come home.

 

Don’t forget to come back tomorrow so we can continue with the serious work of defining our superhero’s work and ‘Captains of whatever the hell I said above.’

 

Author

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